The loop

I go in circles in between the same stagnant train of thought. I tried to find the elliptical pattern to escape of the intrusive and get back on track. I feel my toes hitting the floor hard, stamping my ears in my brain. All I can hear is steps leading nowhere but you. What is it about this path which I’ve already walked so many times that makes me keep coming back? Coming closer to a breaking point. Overthinking. Overwhelming conversations inside my skull recreating situations that never happened in the first place. Condensed by the “what if’s”. Collapsed in a world of desired realities. Through and through I keep walking trying to find the middle of the labyrinth. Not sure if when I reach it, I will be at my lowest or my highest. If the answer even lies in between the walls of this maze of notions. So I go, following the rhythm of my constant confusion. I feel like once I discover the beat the song will come together. Maybe you are the note that I am missing. In the end, the circle starts and ends with you. As many turns as there are, when you see the bigger picture that my footprints leave in the sand of my dusty mind it draws the outline of your figure. And, therefore, I must follow the path of your pupils as they run down my neck accelerating my pulse and my speed. I shall run to get to the finish line faster. Accelerating my breaths until my last one. The problem is that, when I look back up, I realize I am still completely lost in a loop that I don’t understand and yet you fail to want to explain it. I am still trapped in the controversy of your words and actions. Thus, I repeat the spiral trying to find where I went wrong. Modifying little details along the way. I am conscious of how deep I am in it. So deep that I can almost find some comfort in the habit of the lack of your skin and proximity. I shall walk away from the game, but curiosity pulls me closer. Maybe it is just that I never want to break it. The loop, or perhaps the prison that I chose to live in.